Finding Your People

How to get out there and just do it.

I see a lot of posts in my local subReddit about people seeking friends, not knowing how to do it without bars and nightlife. I hear the same stuff from loved ones in other states, too. There’s a lot of confusion around how to make friends in adulthood. So, I wanted to share a bit about my recent successes.

What’s it been like to dive into a new town’s creative scene? In a place where ya don’t know but a single soul? How does one find their folks in a world so vast and random? Full of puzzle pieces that just aren’t it? Well, you start by getting the eff in there and giving it a go!

Back in October, about six weeks into moving here, Alan and I hosted a series of events as an offering to our new community. They were mild, but we put our heart into them and met a lot of very neat neighbors. At the time, it could have been argued that we should prioritize furniture, unpacking, our new jobs, have a great show prepared, know people first, etcetera etcetera.

But! as Lemony Snicket so wisely said,

“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

Upon moving, we immediately put ourselves out there. I recommend this approach to anyone thinking about a move. You gotta start knockin’ dominos down to catch the ride that’ll take you to your people. Second bit of advice: be quick to move on from folks who turn out not the sort that light you up! You don’t owe new friendships longevity.

To get folks to our Fright Flicks events, we went to a local stand-up open mic at a coffee shop with a cool vibe. We immediately clocked the host as interesting. After going as guests, we let the host know we thought what he was doing was great. The next time we came, Alan got up to perform, and I brought fliers for our event. I gave them out to people there who seemed in alignment with us. I also found a way to introduce myself to the host, Gabe, tagged him later on an Instagram story, and got to talkin’. I was able to invite him a second time through the good ol’ gram, and so he came to our show and really gelled with what we were putting out. Persistence is key, my friends. Persistence and kindness. Be there for your community, and they will be there for you.

Gabe immediately realized we would mega appreciate a particular local interactive musical performance artist who wears masks while performing quirky bizarro pop music.

Enter: Attic Ted.

I was utterly thrilled to discover such an artist has their hub here. And a whole scene to bop with him! With no shows on the horizon, I kept this little pearl of excitement under my pillow at night. It’d all come together; I could feel it. Cut to–

Months pass, and come January 5th, an opportunity arises to go to Attic Ted’s lead performer’s place for a free mask workshop before one of their shows the next night.

I was in heaven, my dudes. Being in a shed surrounded by wacky, fun, creatively focused adults making masks as unique as you could only imagine in your dreams is my shit.

Rocking out the next day with all of them was pretty friggen sweet, too.

Alls to say, be bold. Don’t hesitate. Follow your gut. If you wanna move towns, move towns. If you want to find your people, go to things. Say hi, host something, invite them, follow up if it went well, and don’t make new plans with the people who bore you. Find local experiences on coffee shop bulletin boards, at the library, or on Eventbrite. The universe is conspiring to support you. So keep your eyes peeled and your heart open; you’ll figure it out if you really want to.

During the pandemic, I lost a treasured closeness to a community that had been the most in-alignment world I’d ever known. Now? I can feel with all of my being that I am finding something so much better for me.

Stay tuned,

Julia Fae