Hey there, my dearest family of skinless grapes! If the reason for this publication’s title has slipped your noggin, allow me to refresh your memory!
An outstanding clown teacher of mine named Zach Steel once said, “to be in the state of clown is to be in the state of a skinless grape.” Imagine how vulnerable a skinless grape must be! That is what I offer here—a place of vulnerable truths, honest failures, and celebrated successes. Folks often ask me what “clown” is, and I tend to stutter at the top, for it is a state that can be applied to any given situation. It is an art form, surely, but in my opinion, rather than a performative art form, it is moreover the art form of a well-lived life.
It is a mindful, curious, transparent existence.
Sure, I also take the stage, parade, and do parties. However, all of that is certainly not necessary to be a clown. We are all clowns at the core. An open, inner child full of wonder and play is at the root of our being. Being a “clown” in the now is just about embodying that core essence of ourselves with fervor.
As such, you can apply the essence of clown to everything you do! Where might you be able to approach something in your life this week in the state of clown? Do you create ceramics? Take pictures? Build birdhouses? Make coffee? Go for walks? How might one go about such a thing in a more curious, interested, playful, responsive, and honest way?
Another way to approach clown is to let yourself feel vulnerable. To really sit in “the shit.” Where do you feel the most vulnerable? This week, I urge you to enter that space or engage in whatever activity that came to mind as you read that last sentence, with extra attention to your breath. Breathe deeply, my dudes. The breath is the spirit, and the clown is the shaman. So, use your human flesh machine to cultivate your spirit and let the magic of the universe exude through you! Huzzah! You are CLOWN!
It has been a minute since I’ve shared a poem, and poetry is one of the places I feel absolutely vulnerable—particularly when I am performing it! So, I’ll share some poetry of mine below and include a little audio recording of this newsletter and poem as well.
Mahalo nui loa for getting skinless with me!
Julia Fae
Clown Class
I sat curiously at
the edge of my seat
feet dangling
They always do
When you’re less-than-average sized
your legs are doomed to a life of losing
circulation, swaying an inch off the ground or pulled up as a perched fetus
Infantile feelings swirl in aged blood
“Group 2!”
And we were up
Legs unfurl and voices twitter
Three people ask me what our ditty is
We came up with it not 15 minutes ago,
when it was assigned,
and now I’ll stand before strangers
and sing about deep fears,
as I was assigned to,
alongside more strangers
(this life is riddled with strangers, and I learn to love them all)
While my newest mentor
takes our performance in
I juggle the particulars
Eye contact, check
keep singing, check
longer solo, check
Don’t rhyme!
Mean it
Check / Check
It concludes
He goes down the line
I look forward to notes
Randy gets his first
It’s observed that he shifts his eyes to the ceiling
It’s observed that he could make himself more uncomfortable
off-balance
to p-u-s-h further
Why not?
He turns to me
black fro bouncing
He does an action
I haven’t seen him do yet
He smooths it back
while saying,
“You are very sweet.”
His finger shoots up
pointing
like an erect statue of punctuation
It circles
like a halo,
“But what if you aren’t.”
I am not sure
what that means
I ask
He repeats the motions
He repeats the words
I don’t understand
My brow twitches
I wonder what people want
I wonder what I want
I wonder where
that balance is,
and how to find it
still slathered in truth
I feel vulnerable writing comments. Will this question reveal my naked juicy innards?
I love this and you soooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the most refreshing email I've received all month. love the poem. top notch!