Love and Peace

A poem, and some thoughts from an artist going through the changes of calm.

Jul 21, 2023

For Alan

Sunset Symphony

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You feel like a sunset that never ends.
A blissful moment, suspended
between the bouncing energy of day
and eternal swirl of night.

My soul drools for you,
salivating with luck and gratitude.
My body succumbs to the rapture
of your earnest compassion,
goosebumps rising in awe.

My mind settles,
wrapping itself in a warm bath of trust–
OH how my bliss dances
in the symphony of your joyous play!

Oh how my bliss dances in the symphony 
of your joyous play…

Oh, how my bliss
dances in the symphony of your joyous play.

Written May 12, 2021, 2:55 PM

How Settling Into a Desired and Wonderful Calm is Also the Most Uncomfortable and Uninspired Place I've Ever Been In

I am far from perfect. My lover, as well, and our relationship.

Far from perfect.

But, golly, I am struck with how at peace I am because of our relationship.

That peace is so unusual it actually felt like panic for a long time. I am so used to being driven by woe, by pain, by anger, loss, art, chaos, hunger… to find myself so deeply and honestly committed to a healthy and loving thing has taken time to orient to. The space of fury that once motivated me to live big and boldly has been replaced by content. And that content oft concerns me. It makes many experiences feel very boring, unnecessary, and lacking in juice.

It is taking a lot of patience to figure out how to be more fulfilled in this iteration of me rather than just content. How to let go of the manqué I feel for a crispier experience of life.

As my edges soften, I give space for my being to find its new center. From there, I grow and create into my new truth.

I miss the persistent heartbeat of creation I lived with all my life before this peace began gluing together all my pieces. But I am present with the evolution I am in, utterly grateful for all that it is, and look forward to whatever I find in my continued dedication to staying true to the moment.

My, what a beautiful sunset to swim in, and what a calm, dark night it’s led me to. I wonder what colors the day will break with when it comes time…

A hui ho,

Julia