Three Pikos, One Path

Finding My Way to My Future

One week ago today, I sat at the hard, wooden table of my employers’ making the hard, necessary decision to leave. As the weekly meeting plodded on, I assessed my plan, the lights bristling in the corners of my skull as my brain pumped two weeks of calculated logic through my body. My ears latched on to their voices, keeping me in the present, working to untangle their tones of excitement as they came mixed with a directive of increasing pressure. A pressure to save the company, a company that is not mine, and I did not sign up to save.

I don’t take well to pressure. Excitement can easily manipulate, but a wage this low speaks for itself. I’m nobody’s workhorse but my own.

If they want this increasing list of un-agreed-upon to-dos completed, they’ll have to hire me as a mercenary and pay me an adequate rate for each one.

I took a deep breath into my belly, feeling my belly button rise. In Hawaiian, the belly button is called piko. It is one of three pikos, which together encompass the connection and kuleana (responsibility) we have to our past, present, and future. This fluid connection of the triple piko runs from the soft spot at the top of our head to our naval to our genitalia. It is a spiritual, emotional, and physical foundation of ‘ohana wellbeing.

Breathing into my piko, aligning myself with kuleana for mālama pono, which is the righteous responsibility we all have to take care of our soul, I found the support I needed to rise to the occasion in the roots of my culture and heritage.

The hour went by. I sat there agreeably, taking it all in. At last, I was asked if I had anything to say. I looked down at my notes, at all of the final requests just made that push my boundaries and disregard the reality of my work contract and everything initially said to get me to sign it.

“I respect your fearlessness at starting a company, and it has become apparent that our communication styles are irreparably incompatible… and so, it grieves me to do this, but I must resign.”

My heart felt quite broken. It would seem that not all endings, however right they may be, feel relieving.

The week went on; my emotions were a rollercoaster. I rode them out, uncomfortable as it was. I am happy to report that all of the discomforts have been worth it, and I am well on my way to getting back in alignment with my soul’s purpose, excited as ever to tread the trail of my most vibrant and fulfilling path.

Later in the week, I had a particularly insightful astrological natal chart reading. The clarity around my career finding itself in clown education for healing, and publishing a book on clown, were as evident as ever. Goals I have been off and on working towards for years, but until this week lacked assurance in.

At one point or another, I’ve had access to faith for these dreams, but I’ll admit it’s been some time since I’ve felt resolute to these core truths of mine, which I am so lucky to be privy to.

I owe solidarity to these truths.

Now that I have come face to face with the tremendous lack I’ll inevitably mine from the caves of a normie life; I am thrilled to commit to my soul’s purpose.

Admittedly, it’s daunting to take on the lack of belonging I’ve felt from the world of clown. A world that I so deeply cherish and a feeling I so vividly seek. Working in alignment with the stars is a support system I can access, and it is support I am grateful to lean on now as I work through the fearful tinglings of rejection that, in recent years, have cast me into a torrent of self-abandonment.

A season has just about passed, and with it, the birth and death of a version of Julia who has experienced much stress and necessarily existed to put me back on my path. Here, here! To patience in the roundabout journeys we take, and to always being exactly where we are meant to be.

A hui ho,

Julia Fae